Tag Archives: Son

Go Crazy? Don’t mind if I do!

Been off the antidepressants for a several days now.  Luckily, I don’t have the intense rage that I was dealing with before (though I suppose it could still return), but I’m filled with a continuing sense of discontent.  I’m restless and frustrated and there is very little that I’m actually interested in doing.  Though my wife definitely appreciated the restlessness last night when I did the dishes, cleaned all the bottles, emptied the cat box and took out the trash.  So, at least there’s an upside there.

We also made yesterday an outing day.  Went out to Powell’s Candy Shoppe, which is always a dangerous proposition.  It’s hard to go in there without spending a lot of money… I don’t have the biggest sweet tooth, but when I see something that looks as good as that, it’s hard to resist.  We also checked out a specialty soda store.  We bought 8 different types of soda to try out.  We’ve tried 1 so far and wasn’t terribly impressed.  Hopefully the rest will turn out better.  Then we hit the mall, where we had a lot of fun.  My son got his first real look at an escalator, which he found extremely fascinating.  So I stood with him and let him ride it up and back down.  The awe on his face was beautiful.   Of course, then he ran back to ride again…  He also discovered the concept of going under things when we went to get me some new jeans (my ‘good’ jeans now have holes in the knees) and I went in to the changing room.  In and out and in and out under the door he went.  Gave the wife a good laugh.  Finally, we also went to our malls play land with him for the first time.  This gave him more opportunity to go under things, which he took great joy in doing.  Then, after I put him on the slide and took him down that a few times, he figured out how to climb up the stairs to it and then climbed down the slide.  I was very impressed, though hardly surprised that he’s climbing so well.  He is a little monkey like his daddy.

Still haven’t figured out how to approach our lady friend.  Really don’t want to make things awkward and screw up the friendship.  As much as I’d like to have her as more, the friendship is much more important.

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Long time no post

So, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  According to my wife, I do better when I am blogging then when I’m not, so I’m back!  Gonna make an effort to keep at it.  Don’t really know why I lapsed so long, just kind of happened.

So, what’s changed in this time?  Well, my antidepressant has pretty much stopped working.  Might go so far as to say that it is now making things worse.  Makes me feel like I’ve fallen in to a big pool of “meh”.  Just don’t care.  So, that’s not healthy.  Also, the whole unable to get off side effect that the other antidepressants caused is now kicking in with this one.  Doing some research, I find out that it’s a common side effect of SSRIs.  Loverly.  So, just last night I stopped taking them.  I’m just about out anyways.  I’ve decided to give up on trying to find an alternative and am going to go back to Wellbutrin.  I’ll just need to find a way to take them consistently in the mornings.  Difficult, but for the sake of my sanity and my marriage, it needs to happen.

I’ve started twittering.  I’m not a very active twit, but it’s nice for short shouts in to the void.  Which, my twitter account primarily is since I’ve only got all of 3 followers, one of which is my wife.  If you’re interested: @wookie1120 is me.  The primary use of twitter for me is to follow a couple of feeds.  Following most of the cast of Leverage as well as Nathon Fillion and D&D’s feed.  My wife also turned me on to @voraciousbrain, who is a real blast.  Part science/nerdy interests, part nymphomaniac.

AarDice has hit 97 downloads and then just dropped off.  No sales now in over a week.  So close to 100 but it just won’t move on!  Ha!  Oh well.  Work on the next app has kind of come to a standstill while I’ve been filled with don’t give a shit, so hopefully that will pick up as I get off this med.  It’s close to done, I just need to give it the last push and get a hold of publishers to get their Onyx feeds.

The wife has again brought up the idea of me sleeping with another woman.  I’m always of mixed opinion when she does this.  On the one hand, what man hwo’s been married for nearly a decade doesn’t have some interest in sleeping with another woman?  Honestly?  On the other hand, I married my wife for a reason, and rather enjoy sex with her.  There’s also the aspect of finding another woman we trust and who I’m attracted to who is willing to sleep with me.  This part is actually already taken care of this time, at least in part.  We have a woman we’ve been spending a fair amount of time with lately who fits the criteria, except we don’t know if she’s interested in sleeping with me.  She’s a lot of fun to hang out with and her friendship is valuable enough that we don’t want to lose it, which makes it hard to figure out how to bring it up to her.  I mean, how do I ask a woman to sleep with me without making it awkward if she’s not interested?

I’m on summer break for school which is nice.  As expected, I did very well in my java class.  Finished the english class.  I think this if the first time I’ve ever not gotten an A in an english class, and I really don’t care.  I despised that teacher and am just glad to be done with it.  I was going to take a class over the summer, but it’s homework load was too high for me to deal with while also working full time and raising a child, so it will wait for a full semester some time.  I’m not overly heart broken.  It’s kind of nice to have some time off.

My  son continues to develop well.  He’s not quite as much the happy baby he once was.  I blame the fact that he doesn’t communicate well.  Since he has hearing issues, his speech is slowed and I think he’s frustrated about not being able to communicate.  Hopefully his surgery will help with that.  Speaking of the surgery, it was supposed to be a couple weeks ago, but he was horribly sick at the time (rotavirus), so it was pushed off.  We don’t have a new date yet, but I’m expecting some time in July.

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“I’m Mr Lonely”

Feeling lonely today.  Don’t know why.  Wish I could stay in bed, cuddled with my wife all day listening to melancholy music.  Just one of those days.

Unfortunately child, and then work must be taken care of.  So, at work I am.  Listening to Counting Crows and already counting the hours until i get to go home.  Not that I think home will solve it.  But it does have a better chance than work.  <shrug>

On the up side, at least vday is almost here.  I’ve had things hidden from my wife for a month now and will finally get to put them out.  It’s hard to keep things away from her at all, let alone this long.

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Shut the front door!

Definitely staying busy.  Work, school, homework, new app I’ve been working on…. go go go!

So, I put my AarDice up on the app store just before the new year and just got my first monthly sales report (oooh!).  19 sales.  wow.  I know it doesn’t seem like much, but it’s much more than I expected.  The things started off as just an experiment project to help me learn java and snowballed from there.  I put it on the app store as a “hey why not?”.  I figured I’d get two or three downloads from friends and family.  So, I’m impressed it made it this far.

While my java class this semester started off slow, it is picking up a bit now.  I’m glad, cause otherwise I have a feeling I would have started skipping a lot of class, which is not a habit I can afford to start getting in to.  I haven’t learned anything that directly applies to my newest app project yet, but I have started learning some new things, so I’m happy. I’m sure I’ll be able to apply them at some point.

My son is starting to walk.  Way excited.  Mostly he’s walking with help (i.e. holds my finger for balance), but he’s taken a few steps unassisted.  Almost more of a stumble than a step, but he’s getting better.  It’ll be cool to see him up and moving on his own like that.  Though, terrifying at the same time.

Looking forward to valentines day.  Already have a sitter lined up so the wife and I can go out.  Now that I have a kid, going out to the movies seems like more and more of a treat.  No clue what we’ll see yet, but then it doesn’t matter all that much, really.  Going out with my wife and spending some time connecting as a couple is the important part.

The wife and I have been watching back seasons of Castle.  We are finally caught up to the current season.  I started watching because of #Nathan Fillion and am exceptionally glad we did.  Fillion won our loyalty as Mal on #Firefly and #Serenity and I think we’ll follow him to pretty much everything he decides to be a part of.  Besides from being a brilliantly funny actor (not to mention ruggedly handsome) he also has a knack for picking shows with amazing writing.

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Post Holiday Cheer

I love my family, but I’m glad the holidays are over.  Time to destress for a couple of weeks before school starts.  I’m feeling quite chipper today.  It’s a nice change from the norm.  Whether that’s because we finally got my meds right or due to changes at home, I don’t know.  Either way, I like it.

Christmas went well.  Everyone had a very good time.  Dinner was a success (even if the creme for my strawberries refused to thicken).  Got some fun stuff and my wife was happy with what I got her so I’m happy with it.  The son had a blast playing with boxes and wrapping paper, as expected.  His favorite gift, though, is a little stuffed bear (maybe 3 inches tall) which sings when you squeeze it’s belly.  It’s only got one song (though I can’t remember what it is now) and is rather high pitched, but the look on his face as it goes and he swings it around is worth it.

As usual, we didn’t get a white Christmas.  Though we did have some snow two days later.  Not much, just enough to make the grass white and cause dozens of accidents.  It’s a sign, though, that #winteriscoming.    Surprisingly, this morning was beautiful.  I mean, it was far from warm, but it was so much warmer than it has been that it felt wonderful, and a light bit of rain (which I always love).

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It’s the Holiday Season

I’m a couple days late, but happy Wear Star Wars, Share Star Wars day!

Merry Christmahanakwanzikus.  Whatever your religious beliefs/dis-beliefs, I hope you enjoy your holidays.

We’ll be celebrating Christmas in a fairly traditional manner.  Gonna have the parents over from both sides, with the lack of the Mother-in-law being a painful exception.  For the wife and I, this will be our first Christmas as a family of three, which is pretty darned exciting.  The son has gotten pretty mobile, so I’m looking forward to having him running around between people and climbing on legs, drooling on everything and all around being a happy, nearly 9 month old little boy.  The thought of it really fills my heart with joy.  I know this Christmas won’t be one that he remembers, but it makes the whole thing feel more complete.

We have chosen to not give in to commercialism and buy a bunch of crap for our son that he won’t really use/remember/care about this year.  We did buy him one gift.  It’s as much for us as for him, though.  A CD player to put in his room.  Also has an alarm clock on it, so with luck it will last long enough to be of value as an alarm clock for him.  We like to play music for him, but the player we’ve been using is umpteen years old and doesn’t work so well anymore.  spend way to much time fighting it.  So, reduce stress for parents and make it easier to play music for the kiddo.  win / win.

I’m looking forward to having all these people together for Christmas this year.  I’m sad that my sister is in Tennessee this year, cause having her and her husband would have this even better.  I’ve got this “classic Christmas” image in my head that I know I won’t quite come to be; I’m more practical than that.  I am, though, looking forward to cooking a great Christmas dinner.  I’ve been searching and putting together a menu for the meal, which my wife doesn’t understand.  There is something special to me about this Christmas, and I want to cook a special meal for it.  That’s okay, though, she doesn’t have to understand what’s driving me for it, she’s being mostly accommodating and that’s enough.

Despite my excitement for Christmas, I’ve been a bit on the down side lately.  Marital stress, mostly.  My wife has been having some emotional issues that we’re trying to straighten out and she spends a lot of time worrying and working on so many things that I feel like I fall to the wayside some times.  Like there’s never enough time for us to spend together as a couple rather than as parents or cohabitants working on fixing a budget/house/whatever.  All these things are important.  These are things that must be done.  It’s just that working on our relationship is important, too and always seems to be shoved to the back burner. A common complaint for new parents, I know, so I’m trying not to give it too much attention, but it still eats at me, especially on my Gray Days, when I’m extra emotional.  Le sigh.

 

As a side note: I broke 20 posts!  yay!  This is the longest I’ve managed to stick with a blog before.

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Parting is such sweet sorrow.

The semester has gone.  Took my final yesterday and am quite certain I aced it.  I miss the class already.  Teacher was wonderful and the content was enjoyable.  I’m really looking forward to the next semester and diving deeper in to programming concepts.

Of course, I’m also dreading next semester a little because I don’t know how well I’ll handle it.  I’m working full time and raising a (now 8 month old) baby.  This semester I took it easy since it’s my first semester back after years of no school, and only have 2 credit hours.  Next semester I’m looking at 7.  Yeep!  Now, I know there are people out there who work full time and go to school full time and raise a child.  Some of them even do it as single parents.  These people are blessed/cursed with some form of super power that I do not believe that i have.  7 credit hours between two classes does seem doable to me, though.  Only time will tell.

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In Time – Maybe Justin Timberlake can act….

The wife and I went out and saw “In Time” last night.  While it was a good movie, the highlight had to have been being able to go out to a movie in the first place.  One of those casualties of parenthood is going to the theatre.  Can’t exactly take an x Month old out to a movie; it doesn’t matter how well behaved they are.

Anyways, we went and saw “In Time”.  It was a good movie.  In all, I’ve gotten out of touch with new movies.  I used to follow them with great excitement, but that was before becoming a daddy.  So, I sat down to look through movies and after reading the description of that one, thought it sounded absolutely wonderful.  Then  saw the cast.  Justin Timberlake?  really?  I know, I shouldn’t judge him for his highly successful music career.  I mean, I’d have done it in a heartbeat.  But it still generates that knee-jerk reaction.  He’s actually a pretty good actor, though.  The first thing I saw him act in was “Southland Tales”.   Weird movie, worth watching twice (because you’ll miss a lot the first time through).  He didn’t have much of a role there, but you could see some hint of talent in it.  His lead role in “In Time” has proven to me that he is more than a pretty face and teen heart throb.

The movie itself was very good as well.  The plot was well held together.  The premise was great.  The story line was a little scattered occasionally, but not too badly so.  It was a good commentary on today’s widening wealth gap without throwing in your face that it’s a commentary on today’s events.

Cillian Murphy puts out a great performance, as usual.  No surprises there.

Amanda Seyfried was very convincing in her transition from Snobby sophisticate to Bonnie of Bonnie and Clyde.  Also, she’s a pleasure to watch on screen.  I hope to see her on screen more often.

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31

I turn 31 in 7 days.  It’s a sobering thought.  I know for most people turning 30 is a big deal.  Maybe it’s because I prepared myself for exactly that, but turning 30 didn’t bother me.  As such, this is probably karmic payback, or the anxiety that I was able to suppress last year boiling up for me to deal with now.  Whatever the reason, here it is.

I don’t have any specific concerns about it.  I’m not afraid my wife won’t love me or that I’m old and becoming irrelevant.  I’m not too old to take care of my son or “past my prime”.  I’m still growing as a person, going to school and doing well at work.  Nothing specific for me to worry about, which kind of sucks because it means nothing specific to address and fix (there I go showing that male tendency to need to fix things).

Luckily I have a supportive wife.  She’s concerned for me and keeps track of how I’m doing (between cracks about sucking it up because she’s older than me).  I’m sure she’ll continue to be wonderful about it and make my birthday as amazing as she can.

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I’m a bad student and a lazy writer

It’s been hectic lately.  I managed to get a promotion at work (yay!!), which while it doesn’t really change what I do, it begins recognizing me for all that I’ve already been doing with a decent pay increase.  My poor son has been horribly sick, but is now better.  Been making repairs around the house, built a ginormous bookshelf as the beginning of our “library” and getting our wood-stove in working order for the oncoming winter.  (#Winter is Coming)!

I realized, while walking to class yesterday, how different school is for more than it is for others, and just how much I respect people like my wife and sister for their school experience.  I was a straight A student in elementary school.  As and Bs in jr high and high-school.  That’s not all that unusual, but what was is that I did it all without trying.  My school mates spent hours of their life studying.  Alone, getting together in study groups, staying up late, waking up early, whatever.  I didn’t do that.  I don’t think I ever really studied at all.  I also barely bothered with homework.  when it was handed out, I worked on it in class until class was over, and then when I got to class the next day, I’d get done what I could before it was turned in.  I did not do homework at home.  This was most personified, I think, in my Sr. Paper.  I waited till the day it was due and went in to school a little early and drew up my 5 page report on an obscure playwright.  I had read 1 of his plays and a couple reviews of his work a few weeks earlier.  It took me 30 minutes and I got an A.  School was just that way for me.

On the other hand, I remember watching my little sister study diligently and work hard to get grades that were almost as good as mine.  Now I’ve been watching my wife for the past few years busting her ass in college, and I do my bet to help and be supportive, but I don’t have the skill set to study, so I have very little advice to give her in that regard.  It all makes me feel kind of guilty.

 

Also, NaNoWriMo has begun.  I have not.  Hopefully I can get on the ball with this thing.  I know it’s my first try and all, but I still want to succeed!

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