Tag Archives: marriage

Not a Father’s Day post.

Though I do want to give a quick thank you to my father, my wife’s father, and all the other fathers out there doing their best to be the best dad they can be for their kids.

I realized that I never gave an update after the “date” this week.  We went and saw Avengers in 3D.  It was awesome as expected.   The movie loses nothing in the second viewing.  3D doesn’t add anything super amazing to the movie, though there are some gorgeous 3D shots in there and there isn’t the kind of motion blurring you get in a lot of 3D movies, so props to them for that.

The “date” went well.  We had fun, chatted a bit about work and houses and dogs and kids.  Nothing at all about moving beyond friends was brought up; like I said in prior posts, don’t want it to seem like I was going behind the wife’s back.  While I knew it was definitely the wrong time to bring it up, that didn’t make it any less tempting to do so.  Le sigh.  The list of things we want but can’t have is always long.

In unrelated news, I finally broke down and started watching Glee.  I entirely blame my brother-in-law.  He posted that amazing video from Glee for Smooth Criminal which prompted me to check out some other videos of musical performances from Glee, which prompted me to start watching the first season.  Man does it not make me miss high-school.  The DRAMA!  The music is awesome, though.


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Frustrated Incorporated

I’ve been having gum pain the past week.  Pretty sure it’s due to overuse of ibuprofen.  I’m not just popping them willy nilly, doc recommended that I take 600/day.  This doesn’t exceed the limit listed on the bottle, so it seems reasonable.  I am, though, not the first person I know to have gums issues related to ibuprofen.  I’ve been off it for a couple days now and it’s improving drastically.  However, still have that constant pain and it’s been eating at my nerves.  Afraid to take anything for the pain for fear of making it worse again.  Argh!

Sleep has also been elusive of late.  Combination of the pain, my wife’s sudden bout of extreme snoring and a restless child has made a good night’s sleep something I can only fantasize about.

Get to go to a movie with our potential girl early next week, so that should be fun.  Not that I think I’ll bring anything up about it then.  I don’t want it to look like I’m going behind my wife’s back.  It’s likely that’s something I can only fantasize about, too, lol.

So, nothing major.  Nothing horrible.  The continuing pain just makes me easily frustrated.  I’m sure the change in meds doesn’t help, either.  Been back on the Welbutrin for not quite a week now, so that should start kicking in soon, I hope.  Though, it can take a while to really see effect.  Man, I should have just not bothered trying to find something else in the first place.

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Go Crazy? Don’t mind if I do!

Been off the antidepressants for a several days now.  Luckily, I don’t have the intense rage that I was dealing with before (though I suppose it could still return), but I’m filled with a continuing sense of discontent.  I’m restless and frustrated and there is very little that I’m actually interested in doing.  Though my wife definitely appreciated the restlessness last night when I did the dishes, cleaned all the bottles, emptied the cat box and took out the trash.  So, at least there’s an upside there.

We also made yesterday an outing day.  Went out to Powell’s Candy Shoppe, which is always a dangerous proposition.  It’s hard to go in there without spending a lot of money… I don’t have the biggest sweet tooth, but when I see something that looks as good as that, it’s hard to resist.  We also checked out a specialty soda store.  We bought 8 different types of soda to try out.  We’ve tried 1 so far and wasn’t terribly impressed.  Hopefully the rest will turn out better.  Then we hit the mall, where we had a lot of fun.  My son got his first real look at an escalator, which he found extremely fascinating.  So I stood with him and let him ride it up and back down.  The awe on his face was beautiful.   Of course, then he ran back to ride again…  He also discovered the concept of going under things when we went to get me some new jeans (my ‘good’ jeans now have holes in the knees) and I went in to the changing room.  In and out and in and out under the door he went.  Gave the wife a good laugh.  Finally, we also went to our malls play land with him for the first time.  This gave him more opportunity to go under things, which he took great joy in doing.  Then, after I put him on the slide and took him down that a few times, he figured out how to climb up the stairs to it and then climbed down the slide.  I was very impressed, though hardly surprised that he’s climbing so well.  He is a little monkey like his daddy.

Still haven’t figured out how to approach our lady friend.  Really don’t want to make things awkward and screw up the friendship.  As much as I’d like to have her as more, the friendship is much more important.

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Long time no post

So, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  According to my wife, I do better when I am blogging then when I’m not, so I’m back!  Gonna make an effort to keep at it.  Don’t really know why I lapsed so long, just kind of happened.

So, what’s changed in this time?  Well, my antidepressant has pretty much stopped working.  Might go so far as to say that it is now making things worse.  Makes me feel like I’ve fallen in to a big pool of “meh”.  Just don’t care.  So, that’s not healthy.  Also, the whole unable to get off side effect that the other antidepressants caused is now kicking in with this one.  Doing some research, I find out that it’s a common side effect of SSRIs.  Loverly.  So, just last night I stopped taking them.  I’m just about out anyways.  I’ve decided to give up on trying to find an alternative and am going to go back to Wellbutrin.  I’ll just need to find a way to take them consistently in the mornings.  Difficult, but for the sake of my sanity and my marriage, it needs to happen.

I’ve started twittering.  I’m not a very active twit, but it’s nice for short shouts in to the void.  Which, my twitter account primarily is since I’ve only got all of 3 followers, one of which is my wife.  If you’re interested: @wookie1120 is me.  The primary use of twitter for me is to follow a couple of feeds.  Following most of the cast of Leverage as well as Nathon Fillion and D&D’s feed.  My wife also turned me on to @voraciousbrain, who is a real blast.  Part science/nerdy interests, part nymphomaniac.

AarDice has hit 97 downloads and then just dropped off.  No sales now in over a week.  So close to 100 but it just won’t move on!  Ha!  Oh well.  Work on the next app has kind of come to a standstill while I’ve been filled with don’t give a shit, so hopefully that will pick up as I get off this med.  It’s close to done, I just need to give it the last push and get a hold of publishers to get their Onyx feeds.

The wife has again brought up the idea of me sleeping with another woman.  I’m always of mixed opinion when she does this.  On the one hand, what man hwo’s been married for nearly a decade doesn’t have some interest in sleeping with another woman?  Honestly?  On the other hand, I married my wife for a reason, and rather enjoy sex with her.  There’s also the aspect of finding another woman we trust and who I’m attracted to who is willing to sleep with me.  This part is actually already taken care of this time, at least in part.  We have a woman we’ve been spending a fair amount of time with lately who fits the criteria, except we don’t know if she’s interested in sleeping with me.  She’s a lot of fun to hang out with and her friendship is valuable enough that we don’t want to lose it, which makes it hard to figure out how to bring it up to her.  I mean, how do I ask a woman to sleep with me without making it awkward if she’s not interested?

I’m on summer break for school which is nice.  As expected, I did very well in my java class.  Finished the english class.  I think this if the first time I’ve ever not gotten an A in an english class, and I really don’t care.  I despised that teacher and am just glad to be done with it.  I was going to take a class over the summer, but it’s homework load was too high for me to deal with while also working full time and raising a child, so it will wait for a full semester some time.  I’m not overly heart broken.  It’s kind of nice to have some time off.

My  son continues to develop well.  He’s not quite as much the happy baby he once was.  I blame the fact that he doesn’t communicate well.  Since he has hearing issues, his speech is slowed and I think he’s frustrated about not being able to communicate.  Hopefully his surgery will help with that.  Speaking of the surgery, it was supposed to be a couple weeks ago, but he was horribly sick at the time (rotavirus), so it was pushed off.  We don’t have a new date yet, but I’m expecting some time in July.

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What is Romance?

I have been accused, several times, of being romantic.  I’ve had several men ask me for advice on romance, and even more women ask me to give that advice to their men.  Really, I don’t know what to tell people when they ask me this.  It’s not something I usually sit down to contemplate, I just do it.  Well, I sat down and contemplated it and want to put forth my thoughts.  Hopefully someone will find them useful.

While being romantic cannot be generalized or summed up very easily, I do find a few things that could be considered common elements.  This list is far from conclusive and by no means do you need all these things to have an act be romantic, but they are perhaps good places to start if you are trying to plan a romantic act.

What seems most consistently successful to me, is to do something that shows your woman (or man, I suppose) that you are thinking about them(and specifically, how much you care about them) when you aren’t together.  A reminder of your love without you being present.  Simplest version: a sticky note sitting on their steering wheel that just says “I love you”.  Especially effective if you leave before them.

Surprise can be another powerful tool.  Obviously not every surprise is romantic, but it’s hard to be romantic without at least some element of surprise.  The unexpected gift would be the general example.  Flowers, chocolate, etc.  Though, I think that gifts are over done, personally.  Anyone can go buy you some flowers.  That doesn’t require any thought.  If you are going to go the gift route, make sure you make it personal.  Don’t just buy a dozen roses (though, I have to admit that has it’s times), find out her favorite flower and buy her those.  Or at perhaps her favorite color and buy something that color.  If it is a rose moment, many florists can dye flowers to different colors.  Purple roses?  you betcha.  Then you’re being classic (a dozen roses) while being personal (getting them in her favorite color).  Another gift that works well (and in my opinion better) is a card.  A romantic card that expresses how you feel is a great gift.  If you are artistic/crafty enough (or even just able to put your words down well on a blank card) that makes it infinitely better.  But even a store bought card can be a beautiful vehicle for conveying how you feel in words that may be better than we can come up with ourselves.

Those two, I think, are the main keys to classical romance.  If you can find creative ways to combine those, you’re set.  From here, we’ll touch on things that are less “romance novel” romance and more “practical romance”.  Things that you’re woman will find romantic, but that the high-school girls probably won’t.

Doing something she usually does, but doesn’t like to do.  Dishes, laundry and vacuuming are all hits around my house.  Don’t tell her you’ll do it, just do it.  Ideally while she’s out of the house.  As much as a pain as these are to her, they’ll likely only take you a few minutes, but they’ll make her day.  As a book I once read put it “the best foreplay, is choreplay”.  Women love it when a man does chores around the house.  You don’t think this is a romantic act?  I promise you, she does.

As an extension of that, do something that removes a stressor from her life for a while.  Doing those chores does this.  How about taking the kids off her hands for a few hours so she can relax.  One to lead you back towards the more classically romantic would be to draw her a bubble bath.  Toss on some low music and set some chocolates beside there (perhaps a stiff drink) and let her chill for a while away from everything else.  Let her destress for a bit and she’ll love you for it.

Touching again on gifts, get her something she wants, but doesn’t necessarily need.  Especially in hard economic times, there are often things that she wants, but is too responsible to buy.  Things that tend to move towards the bottom of the priority list behind the practical things that are actually needed.  Buy these for her. Not all the time, but out of the blue.  If you overuse this, she’ll just think you’re fiscally irresponsible, which is not at all romantic.  Flowers and chocolates tend to fall in to this category.  They’re nice, but they don’t feed the kids or patch the whole in the roof or whatever else may need doing.

Finally, there is probably nothing quite as powerful in showing how much you care about someone as doing their favorite thing that you hate.  This one goes beyond romantic and moves more in to showing someone you love them.  It’s likely something they don’t get to do very often, so it makes it all the more poignant.  They love ballet, but you think it’s dull, take them to the ballet and be happy about it (this part is key; doing it sulkily or angrily earns you negative points).  They love a massage, but you hate to give it, surprise them with oils and a smile.  Compromise and sacrifice are a large part of what love is about.  Putting your partners happiness before your own.   !!!DISCLAIMER!!! this does not mean you should let your partner walk all over you.  This should be a two way street.  If your partner doesn’t reciprocate from time to time, then there is a problem in the relationship that should be addressed.  !!!End disclaimer!!!  Making your partner happy, should make you happy, even if the act you’re doing to bring joy to your partner isn’t something you enjoy yourself.

Again, these are just my musings and thoughts on the matter.  Some of my opinions on love and romance.  These won’t all work every time with every partner as everyone is different, but I think the general principles are generally sound.  Any of them can be overdone, of course.  If you overdue anything, it loses it’s power, so alternate what you do and be romantic in bursts to help avoid burnout.

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ob-la-di ob-la-da

Bah.  My professors haven’t posted the new assignments for the week yet.  Don’t they know that Sunday is when I get these things done?  I’ve been feeling fairly productive of late, but I’m at work and things are slow and I’m having a hard time finding meaningful things to do.  I’m afraid I’m going to lose my momentum.

I’ve been feeling like super husband, too.  The “romantic” side has kinda flipped back on.  Prior to meeting my wife, I claimed “hopeless romantic” status.  My wife saw that in an online profile and messaged me to disabuse me of the notion.  We got together, we got married and she succeeded.  Of course, now she wishes she hadn’t, lol.  I’ve been doing good lately, though.  Not to toot my own horn (okay, so yes it is), I’ve managed to surprise her with sweet cards and notes, made her a “mix tape” of nostalgic 80s/90s music (go go big hair bands!) and arranged to have a girlfriend kidnap her for a girl’s night out.  Still plotting my next moves, but I can hopefully keep it going.  It’s fun romancing my wife.

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Shut the front door!

Definitely staying busy.  Work, school, homework, new app I’ve been working on…. go go go!

So, I put my AarDice up on the app store just before the new year and just got my first monthly sales report (oooh!).  19 sales.  wow.  I know it doesn’t seem like much, but it’s much more than I expected.  The things started off as just an experiment project to help me learn java and snowballed from there.  I put it on the app store as a “hey why not?”.  I figured I’d get two or three downloads from friends and family.  So, I’m impressed it made it this far.

While my java class this semester started off slow, it is picking up a bit now.  I’m glad, cause otherwise I have a feeling I would have started skipping a lot of class, which is not a habit I can afford to start getting in to.  I haven’t learned anything that directly applies to my newest app project yet, but I have started learning some new things, so I’m happy. I’m sure I’ll be able to apply them at some point.

My son is starting to walk.  Way excited.  Mostly he’s walking with help (i.e. holds my finger for balance), but he’s taken a few steps unassisted.  Almost more of a stumble than a step, but he’s getting better.  It’ll be cool to see him up and moving on his own like that.  Though, terrifying at the same time.

Looking forward to valentines day.  Already have a sitter lined up so the wife and I can go out.  Now that I have a kid, going out to the movies seems like more and more of a treat.  No clue what we’ll see yet, but then it doesn’t matter all that much, really.  Going out with my wife and spending some time connecting as a couple is the important part.

The wife and I have been watching back seasons of Castle.  We are finally caught up to the current season.  I started watching because of #Nathan Fillion and am exceptionally glad we did.  Fillion won our loyalty as Mal on #Firefly and #Serenity and I think we’ll follow him to pretty much everything he decides to be a part of.  Besides from being a brilliantly funny actor (not to mention ruggedly handsome) he also has a knack for picking shows with amazing writing.

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New Years Resolutions

I don’t normally make new years resolutions.  I’m generally pretty bad about them anyways, so whats the point?  I’ve made one this year, though.  I started it a bit early, about mid December when the idea occurred to me, and think it is something I can manage.  I’m going to focus on improving my personal hygiene.  Of course, that makes me sound like I have horrible hygiene, which I don’t, but I know it could be better.  I’ve gotten lazy about things like shaving since I got married.  My wife deserves better, and I would like to look/feel better about my appearance, so I’m going for it.

It’s one of those horrible truths in life that we tend to get lazy about maintaining ourselves once we are in a steady, stable relationship.  When we’re single and early on in relationships, we make every effort to keep ourselves looking our best.  We watch our weight, we shave, shower, perfume, groom, etc to our best abilities.  Then, once we’ve decided that this person is special enough to keep in our lives, we quit trying.  While I understand the biology here (look our best to attract a mate, once attracted, no longer need to put the effort in to look our best), that doesn’t mean I have to like it.  Once we have found that special someone, don’t they deserve our best?  So, I’m going to do a little towards that goal.  Get back in to a regular shower and shaving routine, make a habit of getting haircuts on a regular basis, try to remember cologne, dress better… basically try to take my personal upkeep from acceptable to good.  If it works out well, maybe I’ll shoot for great for the second half of the year.

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Post Holiday Cheer

I love my family, but I’m glad the holidays are over.  Time to destress for a couple of weeks before school starts.  I’m feeling quite chipper today.  It’s a nice change from the norm.  Whether that’s because we finally got my meds right or due to changes at home, I don’t know.  Either way, I like it.

Christmas went well.  Everyone had a very good time.  Dinner was a success (even if the creme for my strawberries refused to thicken).  Got some fun stuff and my wife was happy with what I got her so I’m happy with it.  The son had a blast playing with boxes and wrapping paper, as expected.  His favorite gift, though, is a little stuffed bear (maybe 3 inches tall) which sings when you squeeze it’s belly.  It’s only got one song (though I can’t remember what it is now) and is rather high pitched, but the look on his face as it goes and he swings it around is worth it.

As usual, we didn’t get a white Christmas.  Though we did have some snow two days later.  Not much, just enough to make the grass white and cause dozens of accidents.  It’s a sign, though, that #winteriscoming.    Surprisingly, this morning was beautiful.  I mean, it was far from warm, but it was so much warmer than it has been that it felt wonderful, and a light bit of rain (which I always love).

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It’s the Holiday Season

I’m a couple days late, but happy Wear Star Wars, Share Star Wars day!

Merry Christmahanakwanzikus.  Whatever your religious beliefs/dis-beliefs, I hope you enjoy your holidays.

We’ll be celebrating Christmas in a fairly traditional manner.  Gonna have the parents over from both sides, with the lack of the Mother-in-law being a painful exception.  For the wife and I, this will be our first Christmas as a family of three, which is pretty darned exciting.  The son has gotten pretty mobile, so I’m looking forward to having him running around between people and climbing on legs, drooling on everything and all around being a happy, nearly 9 month old little boy.  The thought of it really fills my heart with joy.  I know this Christmas won’t be one that he remembers, but it makes the whole thing feel more complete.

We have chosen to not give in to commercialism and buy a bunch of crap for our son that he won’t really use/remember/care about this year.  We did buy him one gift.  It’s as much for us as for him, though.  A CD player to put in his room.  Also has an alarm clock on it, so with luck it will last long enough to be of value as an alarm clock for him.  We like to play music for him, but the player we’ve been using is umpteen years old and doesn’t work so well anymore.  spend way to much time fighting it.  So, reduce stress for parents and make it easier to play music for the kiddo.  win / win.

I’m looking forward to having all these people together for Christmas this year.  I’m sad that my sister is in Tennessee this year, cause having her and her husband would have this even better.  I’ve got this “classic Christmas” image in my head that I know I won’t quite come to be; I’m more practical than that.  I am, though, looking forward to cooking a great Christmas dinner.  I’ve been searching and putting together a menu for the meal, which my wife doesn’t understand.  There is something special to me about this Christmas, and I want to cook a special meal for it.  That’s okay, though, she doesn’t have to understand what’s driving me for it, she’s being mostly accommodating and that’s enough.

Despite my excitement for Christmas, I’ve been a bit on the down side lately.  Marital stress, mostly.  My wife has been having some emotional issues that we’re trying to straighten out and she spends a lot of time worrying and working on so many things that I feel like I fall to the wayside some times.  Like there’s never enough time for us to spend together as a couple rather than as parents or cohabitants working on fixing a budget/house/whatever.  All these things are important.  These are things that must be done.  It’s just that working on our relationship is important, too and always seems to be shoved to the back burner. A common complaint for new parents, I know, so I’m trying not to give it too much attention, but it still eats at me, especially on my Gray Days, when I’m extra emotional.  Le sigh.


As a side note: I broke 20 posts!  yay!  This is the longest I’ve managed to stick with a blog before.

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