Frustrated Incorporated

I’ve been having gum pain the past week.  Pretty sure it’s due to overuse of ibuprofen.  I’m not just popping them willy nilly, doc recommended that I take 600/day.  This doesn’t exceed the limit listed on the bottle, so it seems reasonable.  I am, though, not the first person I know to have gums issues related to ibuprofen.  I’ve been off it for a couple days now and it’s improving drastically.  However, still have that constant pain and it’s been eating at my nerves.  Afraid to take anything for the pain for fear of making it worse again.  Argh!

Sleep has also been elusive of late.  Combination of the pain, my wife’s sudden bout of extreme snoring and a restless child has made a good night’s sleep something I can only fantasize about.

Get to go to a movie with our potential girl early next week, so that should be fun.  Not that I think I’ll bring anything up about it then.  I don’t want it to look like I’m going behind my wife’s back.  It’s likely that’s something I can only fantasize about, too, lol.

So, nothing major.  Nothing horrible.  The continuing pain just makes me easily frustrated.  I’m sure the change in meds doesn’t help, either.  Been back on the Welbutrin for not quite a week now, so that should start kicking in soon, I hope.  Though, it can take a while to really see effect.  Man, I should have just not bothered trying to find something else in the first place.

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I don’t watch Glee, but someone posted this and it’s amazing enough I had to share:

Glee: Smooth Criminal

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June 3, 2012 · 12:48 pm

Books!

I’m all caught up on the Wheel of Time again.  Now I’m craving a good gritty fantasy novel to read.  Think “The Blade Itself”(and series) or Game of Thrones esque novels.  The next book in my stack to read is not in this vein.  “The Forging” by M.S. Verish.  I’m three (admittedly short) chapters in and it has yet to really interest me.  I hope it picks up soon or I may abandon it.  It would be one of only three books I’ve abandoned after a few chapters.  The other two being OtherWorld by Tad Williams and Magic of Recluse by L. E. Modesitt, Jr..  Otherworld is particularly surprising for me seeing as Tad Williams Dragonbone Chair (and series) is the only series I’ve ever taken the time to reread (Definitely on my all time favorite list).  I gave otherworld a good long time to interest me, after all Dragonbone Chair starts off really slow, but then becomes amazing.  Then I got distracted by something else and couldn’t bring myself to go back.  As amazing as Tad Williams is, he really needs to learn to take less time to get to the good stuff!

I’m feeling an intense need to write.  Not like write a blog post, but write a story.  I haven’t in some time and I’ve had several things around me recently that have driven the urge.  Unfortunately, I don’t have a story at the moment.  It’s driving me nuts.  I’ve tried to just start writing and that doesn’t work without having some idea what I’m writing.  oy vay.  wonder if I can find a random story idea generator online somewhere… I’ll probably try to get myself a good character idea and go from there.  For some reason characters come easier to me than stories.

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Go Crazy? Don’t mind if I do!

Been off the antidepressants for a several days now.  Luckily, I don’t have the intense rage that I was dealing with before (though I suppose it could still return), but I’m filled with a continuing sense of discontent.  I’m restless and frustrated and there is very little that I’m actually interested in doing.  Though my wife definitely appreciated the restlessness last night when I did the dishes, cleaned all the bottles, emptied the cat box and took out the trash.  So, at least there’s an upside there.

We also made yesterday an outing day.  Went out to Powell’s Candy Shoppe, which is always a dangerous proposition.  It’s hard to go in there without spending a lot of money… I don’t have the biggest sweet tooth, but when I see something that looks as good as that, it’s hard to resist.  We also checked out a specialty soda store.  We bought 8 different types of soda to try out.  We’ve tried 1 so far and wasn’t terribly impressed.  Hopefully the rest will turn out better.  Then we hit the mall, where we had a lot of fun.  My son got his first real look at an escalator, which he found extremely fascinating.  So I stood with him and let him ride it up and back down.  The awe on his face was beautiful.   Of course, then he ran back to ride again…  He also discovered the concept of going under things when we went to get me some new jeans (my ‘good’ jeans now have holes in the knees) and I went in to the changing room.  In and out and in and out under the door he went.  Gave the wife a good laugh.  Finally, we also went to our malls play land with him for the first time.  This gave him more opportunity to go under things, which he took great joy in doing.  Then, after I put him on the slide and took him down that a few times, he figured out how to climb up the stairs to it and then climbed down the slide.  I was very impressed, though hardly surprised that he’s climbing so well.  He is a little monkey like his daddy.

Still haven’t figured out how to approach our lady friend.  Really don’t want to make things awkward and screw up the friendship.  As much as I’d like to have her as more, the friendship is much more important.

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Long time no post

So, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  According to my wife, I do better when I am blogging then when I’m not, so I’m back!  Gonna make an effort to keep at it.  Don’t really know why I lapsed so long, just kind of happened.

So, what’s changed in this time?  Well, my antidepressant has pretty much stopped working.  Might go so far as to say that it is now making things worse.  Makes me feel like I’ve fallen in to a big pool of “meh”.  Just don’t care.  So, that’s not healthy.  Also, the whole unable to get off side effect that the other antidepressants caused is now kicking in with this one.  Doing some research, I find out that it’s a common side effect of SSRIs.  Loverly.  So, just last night I stopped taking them.  I’m just about out anyways.  I’ve decided to give up on trying to find an alternative and am going to go back to Wellbutrin.  I’ll just need to find a way to take them consistently in the mornings.  Difficult, but for the sake of my sanity and my marriage, it needs to happen.

I’ve started twittering.  I’m not a very active twit, but it’s nice for short shouts in to the void.  Which, my twitter account primarily is since I’ve only got all of 3 followers, one of which is my wife.  If you’re interested: @wookie1120 is me.  The primary use of twitter for me is to follow a couple of feeds.  Following most of the cast of Leverage as well as Nathon Fillion and D&D’s feed.  My wife also turned me on to @voraciousbrain, who is a real blast.  Part science/nerdy interests, part nymphomaniac.

AarDice has hit 97 downloads and then just dropped off.  No sales now in over a week.  So close to 100 but it just won’t move on!  Ha!  Oh well.  Work on the next app has kind of come to a standstill while I’ve been filled with don’t give a shit, so hopefully that will pick up as I get off this med.  It’s close to done, I just need to give it the last push and get a hold of publishers to get their Onyx feeds.

The wife has again brought up the idea of me sleeping with another woman.  I’m always of mixed opinion when she does this.  On the one hand, what man hwo’s been married for nearly a decade doesn’t have some interest in sleeping with another woman?  Honestly?  On the other hand, I married my wife for a reason, and rather enjoy sex with her.  There’s also the aspect of finding another woman we trust and who I’m attracted to who is willing to sleep with me.  This part is actually already taken care of this time, at least in part.  We have a woman we’ve been spending a fair amount of time with lately who fits the criteria, except we don’t know if she’s interested in sleeping with me.  She’s a lot of fun to hang out with and her friendship is valuable enough that we don’t want to lose it, which makes it hard to figure out how to bring it up to her.  I mean, how do I ask a woman to sleep with me without making it awkward if she’s not interested?

I’m on summer break for school which is nice.  As expected, I did very well in my java class.  Finished the english class.  I think this if the first time I’ve ever not gotten an A in an english class, and I really don’t care.  I despised that teacher and am just glad to be done with it.  I was going to take a class over the summer, but it’s homework load was too high for me to deal with while also working full time and raising a child, so it will wait for a full semester some time.  I’m not overly heart broken.  It’s kind of nice to have some time off.

My  son continues to develop well.  He’s not quite as much the happy baby he once was.  I blame the fact that he doesn’t communicate well.  Since he has hearing issues, his speech is slowed and I think he’s frustrated about not being able to communicate.  Hopefully his surgery will help with that.  Speaking of the surgery, it was supposed to be a couple weeks ago, but he was horribly sick at the time (rotavirus), so it was pushed off.  We don’t have a new date yet, but I’m expecting some time in July.

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Trapped

I’ve been feeling trapped of late; like I’m in a cage and chained to the bars.  I don’t particularly know why this is, but it’s been eating away at me.  I’ve been trying to write this post for a week, but haven’t been able to really get it out.  I don’t even know what it is I feel trapped by, or what I want to do to “free” myself, which makes it even more irritating.  It’s not like I have much to complain about in my life. I have a good job, a loving wife, a healthy baby and great friends.  I can put food on my table and pay my bills, with the exception of the recent major roof repair we’re having done.  Even in that case, though, we have friends who have been able to help us.  I mean really, life is good.

So why do I feel trapped?  I guess I can’t really just pack up and go at the drop of a hat, but I’ve never been that guy anyways(as much as I always say I want to be).  Still, we take weekend trips a few times a year.  That’s more than many can manage.  I suppose it could be the whole married thing, but I’ve had that going for 8ish years now.  Child perhaps?  I don’t know.  Whatever it is, I’m feeling restless and don’t know how to solve it.  

Have I ever mentioned that I solve problems for a living?  I also do it for fun.  It’s what I do.  I solve problems.  The fact that I have no clue how to fix this one drives me nuts and feels like a a spiral to an insanity filled Hell.

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What is Romance?

I have been accused, several times, of being romantic.  I’ve had several men ask me for advice on romance, and even more women ask me to give that advice to their men.  Really, I don’t know what to tell people when they ask me this.  It’s not something I usually sit down to contemplate, I just do it.  Well, I sat down and contemplated it and want to put forth my thoughts.  Hopefully someone will find them useful.

While being romantic cannot be generalized or summed up very easily, I do find a few things that could be considered common elements.  This list is far from conclusive and by no means do you need all these things to have an act be romantic, but they are perhaps good places to start if you are trying to plan a romantic act.

What seems most consistently successful to me, is to do something that shows your woman (or man, I suppose) that you are thinking about them(and specifically, how much you care about them) when you aren’t together.  A reminder of your love without you being present.  Simplest version: a sticky note sitting on their steering wheel that just says “I love you”.  Especially effective if you leave before them.

Surprise can be another powerful tool.  Obviously not every surprise is romantic, but it’s hard to be romantic without at least some element of surprise.  The unexpected gift would be the general example.  Flowers, chocolate, etc.  Though, I think that gifts are over done, personally.  Anyone can go buy you some flowers.  That doesn’t require any thought.  If you are going to go the gift route, make sure you make it personal.  Don’t just buy a dozen roses (though, I have to admit that has it’s times), find out her favorite flower and buy her those.  Or at perhaps her favorite color and buy something that color.  If it is a rose moment, many florists can dye flowers to different colors.  Purple roses?  you betcha.  Then you’re being classic (a dozen roses) while being personal (getting them in her favorite color).  Another gift that works well (and in my opinion better) is a card.  A romantic card that expresses how you feel is a great gift.  If you are artistic/crafty enough (or even just able to put your words down well on a blank card) that makes it infinitely better.  But even a store bought card can be a beautiful vehicle for conveying how you feel in words that may be better than we can come up with ourselves.

Those two, I think, are the main keys to classical romance.  If you can find creative ways to combine those, you’re set.  From here, we’ll touch on things that are less “romance novel” romance and more “practical romance”.  Things that you’re woman will find romantic, but that the high-school girls probably won’t.

Doing something she usually does, but doesn’t like to do.  Dishes, laundry and vacuuming are all hits around my house.  Don’t tell her you’ll do it, just do it.  Ideally while she’s out of the house.  As much as a pain as these are to her, they’ll likely only take you a few minutes, but they’ll make her day.  As a book I once read put it “the best foreplay, is choreplay”.  Women love it when a man does chores around the house.  You don’t think this is a romantic act?  I promise you, she does.

As an extension of that, do something that removes a stressor from her life for a while.  Doing those chores does this.  How about taking the kids off her hands for a few hours so she can relax.  One to lead you back towards the more classically romantic would be to draw her a bubble bath.  Toss on some low music and set some chocolates beside there (perhaps a stiff drink) and let her chill for a while away from everything else.  Let her destress for a bit and she’ll love you for it.

Touching again on gifts, get her something she wants, but doesn’t necessarily need.  Especially in hard economic times, there are often things that she wants, but is too responsible to buy.  Things that tend to move towards the bottom of the priority list behind the practical things that are actually needed.  Buy these for her. Not all the time, but out of the blue.  If you overuse this, she’ll just think you’re fiscally irresponsible, which is not at all romantic.  Flowers and chocolates tend to fall in to this category.  They’re nice, but they don’t feed the kids or patch the whole in the roof or whatever else may need doing.

Finally, there is probably nothing quite as powerful in showing how much you care about someone as doing their favorite thing that you hate.  This one goes beyond romantic and moves more in to showing someone you love them.  It’s likely something they don’t get to do very often, so it makes it all the more poignant.  They love ballet, but you think it’s dull, take them to the ballet and be happy about it (this part is key; doing it sulkily or angrily earns you negative points).  They love a massage, but you hate to give it, surprise them with oils and a smile.  Compromise and sacrifice are a large part of what love is about.  Putting your partners happiness before your own.   !!!DISCLAIMER!!! this does not mean you should let your partner walk all over you.  This should be a two way street.  If your partner doesn’t reciprocate from time to time, then there is a problem in the relationship that should be addressed.  !!!End disclaimer!!!  Making your partner happy, should make you happy, even if the act you’re doing to bring joy to your partner isn’t something you enjoy yourself.

Again, these are just my musings and thoughts on the matter.  Some of my opinions on love and romance.  These won’t all work every time with every partner as everyone is different, but I think the general principles are generally sound.  Any of them can be overdone, of course.  If you overdue anything, it loses it’s power, so alternate what you do and be romantic in bursts to help avoid burnout.

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How Time Flies

Wow, another semester almost over.  Just a few weeks until finals.  It’s amazing how quickly they go some times.

It hasn’t felt like a very productive semester for me, either.  I didn’t figure I’d get a lot out of my java class, since my self teaching has progressed so far in that regards, but I was hoping for some useful development in my English class.  No.  A waste of time.  Professor was a joke.  Oh well, at least that completes the requirement.

Part of the problem, I think, was the fact that it was online.  This was the first wholly online course I’ve taken.  I’m taking another over the summer.  Hopefully it will be better.  This class has left me leery to the value of online courses.  Which is counterintuitive.  I thought an online course would be excellent for me since I do very well at self study and spend so much time online at work.  Maybe it was the prof, maybe it was the nature of the class… whatever it was, I hope it was a fluke.  Online courses are definitely more convenient for a working adult, so I’d like to take more as my degree progresses if they have value.

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Breakfast Club

So, because this is fabulous, and I think it deserves some attention, I present to you: Breakfast Club by Z-Trip.  A friend of a friend linked this the other day and I stumbled across it and have been listening to it repeatedly since.

Warnings:

1)Some profanity and veiled adult content

2)This is nostalgia, wrapped in hip hop.  So, if you didn’t watch cartoons in the 80s, it likely won’t be nearly as fun for you as it is for me.

All that said, enjoy:

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Well Bugger

Antibiotics don’t appear to be working.  The pain has gone away, which is a huge relief, but the lump remains.  Ultrasound on Friday.  Hurrah.

Here come the worries, again.

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